PASTA ALIGNMENT

berkeley housing starter pack 🏚️✨(╥﹏╥)

“cozy room near campus” = a closet with moral injury 🚪(；´д｀)ゞ

$2,400/month + “utilities not included” ⚡💸(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

landlord: “italian? lovely :)”
landlord, seeing espresso machine: “no cooking.” ☕🚨(⊙_⊙;)

three roommates: one coder, one owl researcher, one emotionally unavailable gecko 🦎(•̀ᴗ•́)و

lease clause 17b: “tenant may not summon nanobots” 📜🤌(╯°□°）╯︵ 🤖

you: “p(doom) is 12%”
zillow: “p(rent increase) is 100%” 💀📈(ಥ_ಥ)

mamma calls from rome: “you pay HOW MUCH for a cardboard box???” 📞🇮🇹(☉_☉)

you, boiling pasta in a shared bathroom: “bellissima.” 🍝🚿( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)